I wrote this poem in December of 2010 after having completed chemo. The poem resurfaced recently, and in discussions with clients and friends, seems once again timely.
Permission
For days
and nights
long suffering nights
I have been digging my own grave.
It is now
(plenty big)
Enough.
From the bottom of this hole
I have breathed
through the night
my face pressed against
clean, sweet Earth.
Fearless master, She
who loves Death
knows no foe
as She winds her limbs
around her everlasting Playmate’s.
Cajoles his angst
to dance upon my navel
tussles her lover
in joyous
carefree abandon.
Somehow
even after this last round
I am still standing.
I know earth must be turned
for next season’s garden.
Till then
permission now
to rest.
Here
I will lie
still
as a seed
silent in the darkness
awaiting spring rains.
Susan Drouilhet
Beautiful Susan. Thank you. And Spring rains tomorrow and Thursday and maybe nitrogen fixing snow. The garden and you keep growing.
What a beautiful image, growing along with the garden. Thank you, Jordan!
It takes great courage to dig one’s own grave; greater still to live without forgetting. Your life, Susan, though as Spring rains to things hidden within these depths, will make the grave ashamed and sprouts blush.
And every breath is life force for the present and compost for the next… Thanks, Dennis.
So well put, Susan, such an apt image! The seeds of our healing lie within us. Why is it so hard, at times, to give ourselves permission to rest? We learn, in time, that it contains the power to heal, is not a waste at all, but a gift to ourselves. Thank you for your inspiring poem.
Thank you, Sam – Here are some other images I’ve played with: Imagine inhaling and never exhaling. Imagine the tide coming in and never going out. Imagine on and never off. When we live in a culture that lopsidedly emphasizes extroversion and activity, we forget that stillness and rest are an equal and essential part of the equation. And in harmony with the natural flow of the universe.
Amazingly beautiful! Thank you for sharing these touching thoughts and words.
Thank you, Mary!