I wrote this poem in December of 2010 after having completed chemo.  The poem resurfaced recently, and in discussions with clients and friends, seems once again timely.

Permission

For days
and nights
long suffering nights

I have been digging my own grave.

It is now
(plenty big)
Enough.

From the bottom of this hole
I have breathed
through the night
my face pressed against
clean, sweet Earth.

Fearless master, She
who loves Death
knows no foe
as She winds her limbs
around her everlasting Playmate’s.
Cajoles his angst
to dance upon my navel
tussles her lover
in joyous
carefree abandon.

Somehow
even after this last round
I am still standing.

I know earth must be turned
for next season’s garden.
Till then
permission now
to rest.

Here
I will lie
still
as a seed
silent in the darkness
awaiting spring rains.


Susan Drouilhet